I’m pretty sure both my parents have given up on me ever being in a relationship again.
Mum’s always been good, she never asks if I’m seeing anyone or complains about not having grandkids. She’s a trooper. Dad went through a phase a while ago where pretty much every time I talked to him he was not-so-subtly trying to find out if I was dating anyone (and also, I think he went through a phase within that phase of trying to check if I was gay or not) until I snapped one day and told him to shut up and stop asking me. For the most part he did, but he still sometimes says things like ‘So, have you made any new friends lately?’. No, Dad. I’m hanging out with the same people I always hang out with.
I wonder if they ever thought I would end up alone? I guess you never think that’s going to happen to your kid.
None of my friends have ever really shown any concern. I think that might be because there’s pretty much always been a running joke about how shy and prickly I am, and how introverted I tend to be. They’ve always been supportive when I’ve met someone, and sympathetic when it hasn’t worked out, and that’s all I really ask.
One friend, a few weeks ago, deviated from the norm. We were out for dinner and she asked if I had gone back on Tinder (which is a no, I haven’t been on it over a year now). We then got to a point in the conversation where she said she couldn’t understand why I was still single, and she hoped I wasn’t cutting myself from opportunities.
This is new ground for me. This friend met a guy on Tinder who she now lives with, but it’s only been a year and a bit that they’ve been together. So I felt vaguely like the comment was slightly condescending. I never complain about being single either. Sometimes it’s lonely, but still think there are just as many positives about being single, if not more, than being in a relationship. Even little things, like if I want toast for dinner? I’ll have it. All the wardrobe and bookshelf space in the house is mine. If I decide I want to sit in my tracksuit pants, looking up random things on the internet and watching hours of House Hunters, I can (and I do. I’m doing it right now).
Now I’m wondering if all my friends are worried about me being a crazy cat lady, but just don’t say anything. I am the only one out of all the friends I can think of, that is single. Maybe when people aren’t single anymore, they automatically feel sorry for their single friends?
I’m not adverse to meeting someone. I’m not militant about staying single, as much as living alone with two cats might suggest otherwise. I definitely don’t want to do internet dating again though, because it just makes me feel anxious and bad about myself.
Maybe I am cutting myself off from opportunities. But that’s my decision to make.